Monday, January 13, 2020

"I Feel Safer on the Street"

It took me a minute to realize that the ringing church bell I was hearing was ours. Strange, because it was not Sunday. It was Thursday and we were in the middle of our weekly Thursday activities at 11 a.m.

I am pastor at Zion Lutheran Church in the urban Midway Neighborhood of St. Paul, MN. Every Thursday our doors are open to any who can use a home made meal, a bag of groceries, a warm place to spend the day, and/or a little safe, welcoming human contact.

There are surprises often enough on Thursdays at Zion. But this was a new one. Someone had made their way into the sanctuary and up to the balcony and, finding the rope for the bell, began ringing it like mad.

I excused myself from a small group discussion, muttering something that rhymes with "What the bell?", I made my way to the sanctuary and asked the silhouette of a man I could see in the dim light to please stop. And he did.

I climbed the stairs to the balcony and found him sitting on a church pew in the dark. He was young, barely more than 20, in a jacket and sweatpants, thick black hair, strong build, and agitated--though not in a threatening way, just incredibly fidgety.

I thanked him for listening to me about the bell. I asked his name:
"Ben."
"Are you ok?"
"No, not really."
"You seem really nervous."
"Yeah, I feel real anxious."
"Are you on any drugs right now?"
"Yes, amphetamines, I need them to feel normal."

At this point I invited him down to my office to talk if he'd like to. He agreed, gathering up his bags. He was unsteady on his feet and his sweatpants kept slipping down.

In my office he couldn't sit still. He paced as we talked. He rearranged some books, turned on the stereo to some music he likes, and then sat at my desk and took notes on my note pad during our talk.


He grew up in Hastings, always suffered anxiety, and was hard on his family. He left home early and has bounced around in shelters and under bridges. Said he wants to get clean and heard Teen Challenge was a good place. I called and spoke to Stephanie, a counselor. She was amazing and spoke with Ben directly. No, he could not come there without a rule 25 chemical dependency evaluation, and their next appointment was next week.

Stephanie told him she had been where he is. She recommended going to St. Joseph's Hospital, as she had done. He could detox in safety, with attendant drug therapy. It was his best option. We thanked Stephanie. Then Ben used my phone to call his sister for advice. She agreed with Stephanie. "St. Jo's is your best option. Please go," she said.

But he could not. I offered to drive him. Appealed to the good advice he just received. "They will put me in the Psych Ward. I can't go there again. It's too confining. I feel safer on the street."

With that, Ben grabbed a doughnut and a coffee, and hit the street.
"Left the building."
Yet he definitely had rung our bell.

2 comments:

  1. I was not made to feel welcome at church today, Jan. 30 for open house food ministry. I know what it says on the church website, that all are welcome despite "color of skin," however, I was specifically targeted by a racist white stranger who determinedly tried to convince people I was Mexican and that I should try the Mexican hot sauces. Others caught wind of this act and started reacting to me the same, as though this racist bigot was the Pied Piper of Hamelin.

    This is unacceptable in my neighborhood and especially at the neighborhood church that I've been coming to for years. Rev...you need to clean house and especially take out that garbage at home before it begins to stink up the place for worse.

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  2. Chase, I am sad to hear your story. You are right that racism is unacceptable in our community. So what do we do? I'm also sad you did not, for whatever reason, bring it to my attention immediately. I understand that being on the receiving end of racist behavior is painful, and you may have not had the energy to do anything other than leave. I also am (sometimes painfully) aware of problems that emerge as we open our doors to everyone. People have certainly offended others before, and we have had instances of petty theft. We do what we can to make everyone feel safe, welcome and respected. We also take action to remove those who pose a threat to others. We confront offensive behavior when we see it or it is reported. We do so quickly and directly, by bringing the involved parties together. This is the only way to help a community and its participants change and grow. I assume this offense has not been typical of your experience here if you've attended for years. I would suggest that your metaphor to "clean house and take out that garbage" as something I should (or could) make happen might be replaced with a more fruitful approach: to confront the problem together, in person, and in love. I would welcome that and am willing to help that direct truth-telling happen, if you are willing... Let me know.

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